Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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