i need an iv and a liver transplant
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
