You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
