If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
