conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
