Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize