Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
