my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
