I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
