Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
is that a dick in a sweater?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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