Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
