walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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