I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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