Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can Purell be used as lube?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
