i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
