I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
