He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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