I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
