Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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