Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
