I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
