haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
