tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
