I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
