I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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