garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
