I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
