That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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