Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
