you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
