Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize