youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
