My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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