so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
