i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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