would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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