dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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