Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
