No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
