What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
