Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize