Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize