my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
