He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry about my life...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
