you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
