I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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