final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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