at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
