were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
