I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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