And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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