Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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