Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
