Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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