I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
