I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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