This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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