Kiss
Puke
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
