I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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