Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
