All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
