uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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