I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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